A daft doctor concocts an offbeat scheme to make millions after he happens upon a method of turning cremated human remains into diamonds. But when the sawbones hires a pair of hapless thieves to collect the raw material, a string of calamities ensues in their insane efforts to pilfer the ashes of prominent and historic figures. Tippi Hedren, Bronson Pinchot, Richard Moll and Joan Van Ark head the cast in this inky morality yarn.