Sam's mom comes to town to play in a roller derby match. Although she is the "Most Valuable Slayer," she announces that she wants to quit the derby and take Sam back to Seattle to live with her for good.

Marshall becomes jealous when Janet's ex-boyfriend, a successful writer, pays the Darlings a visit for dinner.

Clarissa turns to her computer to help her finish an assignment for which she must write a poem. Not only does the computer "write" a strange but well-loved poem, but also Clarissa is chosen to represent her school at a banquet for young poets.

After being left alone for the night, Clarissa and Ferguson take turns scaring one another. Over the course of the evening, the Darling war continues escalate until an unexpected guest frightens them both.

Clarissa is broke and decides to get a job. She declines to use Ferguson's job placement business, but lets the librarian help her with her resume and job search. Clarissa gets multiple job offers, all of which she accepts.

Ferguson has decided to torture Clarissa by giving her "The Silent Treatment." Clarissa retaliates by devising a software program designed to gross him out when he steps into the bathroom.

Janet recruits the whole family to participate in Volunteer Day at the Children's Museum. Clarissa desperately wants to get out of this assignment and lucks out when the museum closes because of boiler problems.

Ferguson has fallen in love and is asking everyone for advice, including Clarissa, who wants to give him the worst advice possible. Yet every bad idea she gives him works in his favor and all the girls go crazy for him.

During a midlife crisis, Marshall decides to move the family to a small South Pacific island. Clarissa does her best to change his mind before the house sells.

Ferguson tries out for the football team in an effort to win Marshall's bet with a neighbor. Clarissa uses exercise to get Ferguson into shape.

Clarissa fears a future life of crime after accidentally stealing some lingerie from a store. Returning the merchandise proves to be harder than taking it.

Sam scores two tickets to a Pearl Jam concert. Clarissa wants to attend the concert but also feels obligated to DJ her grandparents' anniversary party.

Sam sets up himself and Clarissa on a double blind date. Clarissa is besieged by visions of a blind date from hell. But after Sam describes how cool her date is, she begins to think that she might be the geek.