Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide (2004)
Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide (2004)
The whacky adventures of Ned Bigby and his best pals Moze and Cookie at James K. Polk Middle School, as "every-kid" Ned shatters the fourth wall to share tips and tricks on navigating middle school or junior high hurdles. Ned's not super cool, and he has no superpowers. He is, however, witty, well-groomed, upbeat and self-aware. Moreover, with more than a little help from his two best friends, he's equipped to conquer middle school minefields. From crushing bullies to crushes, from off- the-wall, mean and cool teachers to pop quizzes, elections and detentions, Ned knows that nothing, including the seventh grade, is as bad as it seems, and friendship matters most.

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2x01 Guide to: New Semester & Electives

02 October, 2005 4:00 am
New Semester: Ned seeks his first kiss from Suzie Crabgrass which is on his "new semester list", but first he enlists Moze's help to break up Suzie and Loomer. By breaking them up Ned would have Suzie. Meanwhile, Cookie starts the new semester with a new super cool look and becomes a bully. Electives: Ned, Moze and Cookie try out different electives so they can finally get a class together and score an easy "A."

2x02 Guide to: Pep Rallies & Lunch

09 October, 2005 4:00 am
Pep Rallies: Ned becomes school mascot Wolfie, so he can miss class. Moze struggles to give a peppy speech and Cookie tries to spice it up with his own Super Cookie halftime stunt! Together they realize the true meaning of pep rallies isn't about cheerleaders and jocks, but it can be about getting you in spirit with normal people. Lunch: Ned tries to stop "One Bite" who's taking is lunch and eating it in "one bite." After devising a plan with hot sauce, Ned is sure "One Bite" won't steal his lunch anymore. Moze wonders why Suzie doesn't want to sit with her at lunch. Moze tries everything she can possibly think of, yet none of it works. Cookie panics after lunch lady predicts doom.

2x03 Guide to: Video Projects & School Clubs

16 October, 2005 4:00 am
Video Projects - Ned and Cookie team up to make the ultimate video project. But the ultimate video project is easier said, than done. Moze makes a documentary about Mr. Wright, who's acting way too cool and not himself. School Clubs - Ned tries to stop Missy's Popular Club. Ned feels it is taking over the school and that Missy thinks everybody is a nerd. Moze and Suzie compete in every single club to be the best but it backfires and they get kicked out. So they have only one club left to choose from. Which club will they join? Cookie starts his own club, the Archaeology Club which helps Ned get into Missy's club and bring him all around the school.

2x04 Guide to: Notebooks & Math

23 October, 2005 4:00 am
Notebooks: Ned and Gordy caper to swipe Sweeney's "Golden Notebook." Moze finds a notebook full of juicy school rumors and Cookie invents the video notebook. Math: Ned starts a math study group with the smartest kids in class, but they soon realize that Ned isn't doing any work. Moze is faced with the challenge of pre-algebra and Cookie is promoted to 8th grade honors math, but his teacher is crazy.

2x05 Guide to: Vice Principals & Mondays

06 November, 2005 4:00 am
Vice Principals: Vandalism happens in the wood shop class. So the vice principal comes and finds a 'Cheedle' at the scene. He keeps gathering suspects as more vandalism occurs. Mondays: Every Monday morning, people are grumpy, tired and depressed. Ned and Moze are determined to find a way to beat the Monday Blues, but they end up letting a monkey wreak havoc in the school for weeks.

2x06 Guide to: Your Body & Procrastination

13 November, 2005 4:00 am
Your Body: Moze freaks when she feels she is too tall. After crushing somebody's project, she really wants to become short. Ned tries to become strong after Coach agreed to Loomer that they'd have a weight lifting competition. Cookie tries to become overprotective so Loomer won't hurt him. Procrastination: Moze bets Ned that he won't finish his project on time and the loser has to stand in front of the school as a clown. Cookie creates a machine that will stop his procrastination problems. Moze also needs to learn to clog dance.

2x07 Guide to: Upperclassmen & Gross Biology Dissection

20 November, 2005 4:00 am
Upperclassmen: Ned offers to give a fifth grader a tour of the school, but the kid is very wild and unruly; Moze gets the attention of an eighth grader, Jock Goldman; Cookie must pretend that he is in eighth grade for Vanessa, a girl he likes who is in the eighth grade. Gross Biology Dissection: Ned is torn between Suzie, who is against dissection, and Moze, who wants to do dissection, during a biology dissection project; Ned helps Suzie by stealing the frog from Sweeney's classroom, and Cookie and Gordy grow attached to it.

2x08 Guide to: Dares & Bad Habits

15 January, 2006 4:00 am
Dares: Ned is dared to ask super popular Missy on a date, but that is easier said then done. Plus it also has to be in front of all of Missy's friends! Cookie and Loomer compete in a big dare event to see whioo is the king of dares. Moze have to wear a sundress and she made new friends. She thinks her new friends are robots. Bad Habits: Ned is trying to get rid of saying "yes" to people everytime they ask him a favor. Cookie chews gum and pencils as a way to help him overcome his packratting habit. Moze does her best to stop talking trash on the volleyball court, especially after she tells Ned and Cookie she can quit any bad habit.

2x09 Guide to: Substitute Teachers & The New Kid

22 January, 2006 4:00 am
Substitute Teachers:Ned helps Mr. Weiner, a favorite substitute from Elementary School get in touch with his middle school side. Cookie poses as a substitute teacher. Moze becomes bad-girl material and misbehaves to the new science substitutes. The New Kid: Ned tries to help a new girl adapt to the school, but she claims Ned as her boyfriend; Cookie acts like a British man when he moves to 8th grade English, but he is afraid of getting exposed when there is an actual British kid in the class; Moze inadvertently starts a school cleaning olympics between Gordy and his new assistant, Jack, for the head custodian spot.

2x10 Guide to: School Websites & Valentine's Day

12 February, 2006 4:00 am
School Websites: Ned, Moze and Cookie make changes to the school Web site, but problems arise; The Weasel takes control of the live webcam, which broadcasts embarrassing footage of Mr. Sweeney, who threatens to give the students detention for life; Moze is determined to take down a "Volleybabes" pop-up ad; Seth changes the website's password, but doesn't remember what it is, so they cannot shut down the website. Valentine’s Day: Ned sends Suzie a rose. Cookie sends himself multiple rose to try to be the hottest kid in school, and Moze becomes the hottest girl in school.

2x11 Guide to: Shyness & Nicknames

26 February, 2006 4:00 am
Shyness: Ned finds the Obo twins to be a perfect match for his girlfriend needs and Moze's best-girlfriend need. The only problem is that they're too shy. So Ned and Moze try to make over the twins. Cookie starts up his own shyness seminar. Nicknames: Ned tries to create a new, cool nickname for himself by doing wild stunts but ends up injuring himself in the end, while Moze decides she no longer likes her nickname (Moze) and tries to have her friends simply call her "Jennifer." Cookie invents a nicknaming machine that Loomer quickly steals for his bullying advantage. Cookie sets out to fix what he messed up, while Ned has trouble calling Moze Jennifer.

2x12 Guide to: Asking Someone Out & Recycling

05 March, 2006 4:00 am
Asking Someone Out: Ned tries to find out if Suzie will go on a date with him; Moze attempts to ask Seth out; Cookie helps Dr. Xavier ask Gordy out. Recycling: Ned, Cookie, and Moze compete to win a mountain bike in a recycling contest. Everything they collect is stolen, but Cookies idea of glueing bottles together ends up in him having it bought by an art collecter. Ned loses the guide in the recycling madness, and Moze sneaks into the teacher's lounge to collect recycling.

2x13 Guide to: April Fools Day & Excuses

26 March, 2006 5:00 am
April Fools Day: Vice Principal Crubbs pranks everyone on April Fools Day, so Ned, Cookie and Gordy devise a plan to prank him back; Moze attempts to break up with Seth, but he thinks it is an April Fools joke; the new superintendent also comes to visit. Excuses: A dog eats Ned's homework, but Sweeney doesn't believe him until the dog eats Sweeney's work, so the two team up to catch the dog; when Moze blows off a date with Seth, she makes up an excuse that her grandmother is in the hospital, but Seth wants to meet Moze's grandmother; Vanessa tells the same excuse to Cookie, but he does not believe it until he sends Vanessa's grandmother falling down the stairs.

2x14 Guide to: Secrets & School Car Wash

09 April, 2006 4:00 am
School Car Wash: The boys and the girls compete in the school fundraiser to see who can wash more cars. The boys team wants a hot tub, but the girls want to use the money more wisely. The boys, mainly Loomer, have bigger concerns than winning, while the girls band together to win. Secrets: Ned and Cookie see Loomer kissing Missy. So they have to keep this a secret or else.... Meanwhile, Loomer's friend tries to tell everyone that he is in the sewing club. Moze learns Seth can't read or write well, and really feels she should tell someone.

2x15 Guide to: Spirit Week & Clothes

16 April, 2006 4:00 am
Spirit Week: The King and Queen of Spirit are destined to go out; always! And Suzie wins the girls side with ease, to continue the family tradition of being spirit week queen. Knowing this, Ned gets in a battle with Martin Qwerly for Spirit Week King. Cookie and Moze get stuck with the spirit stick and can't let it touch the ground or cause the school to have bad luck. Clothes: Ned tries to find the right clothes to wear; Moze attempts to be fashionable after she gets a ticket from Missy's "Fashion Police"; Cookie and Crony design "The Ultimate School Uniform".

2x16 Guide to: Yearbook & Career Week

30 April, 2006 4:00 am
Yearbook Ned tries to win “Best Smile” in order to be next to Suzie Crabgrass in the yearbook forever. Cookie tries hacks into the yearbook and makes some changes. Career Week Vice Principal Crubbs wants Ned to pursue a career in education, but Ned isn't interested. Cookie decides he wants to be a sports agent and signs Moze as his client.

2x17 Guide to: Class Clown & Music Class

07 May, 2006 4:00 am
Music Class: Ned and Cookie try to survive the boredom and tedium of learning an instrument in Music Instruction class while Moze gets Mozart music stuck in her head in Music Appreciation and can't get it out. Class Clown: When the Class Clown moves to Cleveland, Ned, Cookie, and Moze do an all out search for a new clown before things get to depressing at Polk. But everyone who tries gets in trouble with Crubbs.

2x18 Guide to: Failing and Tutors

14 May, 2006 4:00 am
Failing: Ned is warned that he must ace all his final exams or he might stay back a grade. Moze gets her first "F" ever and panics, doing everything she can to plan more study time, including quitting volleyball and not wahing her hair. Cookie tries to fail tests on purpose to avoid advancing to High School. Tutors: Ned has to find a tutor in order to avoid summer school. Moze gets into some tutor trouble by having a bunch of sixth graders fall in love with her. Cookie is paired up with the nastiest "tooter" of all for his final Social Studies project.

2x19 Guide to: Science Fair & Study Hall

21 May, 2006 4:00 am
Science Fair: Ned, with Moze's help, tries to disprove Sweeney's scientific theory that Ned can never win a ribbon. Cookie tries to win Vanessa back by showing her grandmother that he is not a monster by using Ned's papertowel experiment, while Ned uses Cookies expirement with Moze as his subject. Study Hall: While Ned actually uses study hall to "study" for an important test, Cookie tries to sneak out to meet Vanessa and Moze must use the time to wear an embarrassing traction harness from an injury she got while demonstrating Ned's science fair expierement..

2x20 Guide to: Double Dating & The Last Day

04 June, 2006 4:00 am
Double Dating: For the final dance of the school year, Ned and Suzie double date with Moze and hunk Jock Bitterman. Cookie meanwhile is asked by Lisa and says yes. Soon after Vanessa says yes, so Cookie must take Lisa and Vanessa to the dance and keep them separated. The Last Day: Ned and Moze try to figure the best way to tell Suzie about “the kiss”. Determined to catch the weasel before the summer, Gordy lets Cookies Battle Bot free in the halls, where it unleashes havoc.

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