Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1983)
Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1983)
A stranded spaceship pilot captured by mad scientists survives a blitz of cheesy B movies by riffing on them with his funny robot pals.

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7x01 Night of the Blood Beast

03 February, 1996 8:00 am
Movie Plot: After a rocket crash, an alien beast starts to attack people in southern California. Also riffed was the short "Once Upon a Honeymoon." On the SOL: The 'bots attack Mike with Mace and tasers / Crow plays the trombone / Gypsy imitates the woman from the short / Crow pretends to be pregnant. In Deep 13: Dr. Forrester's mother, Pearl, has moved in with him. She forces him to do a trombone recital / Pearl makes Dr. Forrester confess to the SOL crew, but he doesn't know what he is supposed to be confessing / Pearl treats Dr. Forrester like a baby. Stinger: "Wounded animal that large isn't good." Original film made in 1958.

7x02 The Brute Man

10 February, 1996 8:00 am
Movie plot: Rondo Hatton stars as a disfigured man who takes revenge on the college pals he believes caused his condition. The short is a documentary-style examination of chicken farming. Also rifft was the short "The Chicken of Tomorrow". Stinger: Crotchety old grocer: "Creeper, creeper, creeper. You give me the creeps!" Original film made in 1946.

7x03 Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell

17 February, 1996 8:00 am
Movie Plot: A very hard to follow film featuring Deathstalker, a very disgusting hero, and a princess he is trying to protect, but doesn't. On the SOL: Crow gets a toupee / the crew dresses up as fast food workers to try and terrorize an ailing Pearl / the 'bots put on a Renaissance Festival to cheat Mike out of money / Crow reads a story to Pearl. In Deep 13: Pearl is very sick, thus making Dr. Forrester miserable / Dr. Forrester tries to poison his mother, but ends up poisoning himself. Original film made in 1988.

7x04 The Incredible Melting Man

24 February, 1996 8:00 am
Movie Plot: An astronaut returns from a mission and begins to melt while going on a bizarre killing spree. On the SOL: The crew plays baseball / Crow's screenplay is being made into a movie by Pearl and Dr. Forrester. Of the $30 million budget, Crow gets $800 / They start filming the movie with Mike starring as Kevin Bacon / Dr. Forrester and Pearl come up to the SOL to revise the movie script / Crow fails as a director. In Deep 13: Dr. Forrester conducts a focus group to see how people like Crow's movie / Dr. Forrester and Pearl tell Crow the movie is a failure. Original film made in 1977.

7x05 Escape 2000

02 March, 1996 8:00 am
Movie Plot: An evil corporation and the government are kicking people out of the Bronx and moving them to New Mexico to be killed. On the SOL: Crow holds a charity auction / the SOL catches fire, which is luckily put out by Gypsy / Crow's use of the biofeedback machine causes more fires to break out on the SOL / Servo gets sick. In Deep 13: Dr. Forrester has put Pearl in a nursing home, which is really just another part of Deep 13 / to boost ratings, Dr. Forrester presents Timmy Bobby Rusty, a cute little kid / Dablone swoons Pearl. Original film made in 1985.

7x06 Laserblast

18 May, 1996 8:00 am
Movie Plot: An alien invasion is foiled by a man wielding one of the alien's own laser guns. On the SOL: The 'bots tell a captive Mike the ""thunderdome"" joke / the SOL crew taunts a perfectionist satellite / the 'bots change the diaper of a star baby / Mike dressed as Star trek's Captain Janeway / the SOL reaches the edge of the universe and the Crew is turned into pure energy. In Deep 13: Dr. Forrester has lost his funding and cuts the SOL loose in space / Dr. Forrester watches himself grow old (a la 2001: Space Odyssey) and turns into a Star Baby. Instead of a monolith, there is a giant VHS tape. Pearl decides to try and raise baby Clayton right. Stinger: "Far out!" Original film made in 1978.

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