American Idol continues to power through the bat-sh-t crazy auditions, and Steven Tyler continues to power through the bat-sh-t crazy voices in his head... The Bachelor's Brad Womack stops by to ask forgiveness for his horrible actions three years ago...which apparently involved killing Joel's cat... Jersey Shore announces it will move to Italy to smush Italian women, and The Situation announces he will move downstairs so Ronnie can smush a drunken woman... RuPaul's Drag Race returns to your TV but forgets to bring its pants... And Oprah Winfrey's half-sister stops by, who evidently looks exactly like Adam Carolla...

Televised starvation is back in vogue as Survivor returns to the airwaves, and one castaway is already running dangerously low on saliva... Charlie Sheen gives Lindsay Lohan life advice, which has to be Lindsay's absolute rock bottom... Computers begin their inevitable takeover of mankind when Watson the Supercomputer dominates some future human slaves on Jeopardy... Gold Rush Alaska's Jack Hoffman digs deep into his glory hole for the hottest nuggets yet... And Portlandia star Fred Armisen stops by to trade some gum and significant glances with Joel...

Hard-hitting news commentary just got that much harder and hittinger as The Soup brings you a taste of the issues of the day with The Situation Room. Assuming the day is one at Jersey Shore. And to enrich the debate, none other Shore-dweller Vinny Guadagino is on hand. So there's that.