Appalled that Luanne is unprepared to vote, Hank takes the family to the local fair where she can meet the political candidates. Hank is further appalled to find that Luanne has decided to vote Communist because the candidate is handsome. Bobby saves the life of a drowning pig at the fair and is invited to meet Texas Governor (and presidential candidate) George W. Bush. Hank, staunchly pro-Bush, takes Luanne to the rally where she falls for Bush. Unfortunately, Bush's wet, limp, awful handshake leaves Hank shocked and disappointed.

Bobby gets a job as Buck Strickland's caddy. He and Buck hit it off, and Bobby starts imitating Buck and defying his father. Things come to a head when Buck takes Bobby to Hot Springs, Arkansas on a gambling jaunt, and Hank goes after them. Meanwhile, Peggy and Minh get into a heated competition over who can donate the most blood.

With Bobby's 13th birthday approaching, Joseph comes back from summer vacation having grown six inches. Bobby is upset that everyone still treats him like a little kid, and Joseph is being driven crazy by the onset of puberty. Meanwhile, Hank tries to build coffins for himself and Peggy.

When John Redcorn comes to Bobby and Joseph's class and tells them about the way his people were treated by the white man, Joseph doesn't care, but Bobby is so horrified that he decides to boycott Thanksgiving. At Hank's Thanksgiving party, Bobby stages a tribute to the heritage of John Redcorn's tribe... including their history of cannibalism. Meanwhile, Luanne tells Peggy that everyone hates her annual Boggle tournament, so Peggy invents a new game, "Spin the Choice."

Peggy gets her big break when she is assigned to teach geometry at the high school. But she gets in trouble with everyone from her fellow teachers to the local Booster Club when she flunks Arlen High's star football player, David Kalaiki-Alii, the Flyin' Hawaiian.

Cotton can't support his wife and baby on his pension, so he moves from Houston to the Arlen VFW. Hank gets him a job at a local restaurant, but the manager won't let Cotton have a day off to march in the Veterans' Day parade. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to create an eye-catching float for the parade.

Bobby is chosen to be the mascot for Tom Landry Middle School. When he informs Hank and friends of the news, they tell him about a tradition where the rival school's band beats up Arlen's mascot when Arlen is ahead. When Arlen takes the lead in the game, Bobby runs away, disgracing the whole school. He enlists Dale's help in trying to regain his reputation by kidnapping the mascot of another school.

Bill decides to create his own Santa's workshop at home and spread the Christmas cheer to all of Arlen's underprivileged youth. He enjoys it so much that he tries to keep the Santa act going even after Christmas is over. When that doesn't work, he takes in a local juvenile delinquent, Wally, who takes advantage of Bill's good nature.

Hank's friends all make fun of him when he cries at a "chick flick" called The Flowers of Time. Peggy thinks Hank was crying because the movie reminded him of his relationship with Bobby. It turns out that Hank was really crying because his beloved truck is breaking down and can't be fixed. In an effort to salvage her, Hank goes to extremes, but the inevitable is just around the corner.

Hank discovers that he is not a native Texan: he was actually born in New York City, when Cotton took his wife there as part of a plot to kill Fidel Castro. When Hank confronts his father about this, Cotton offers to help Hank become a "real Texan." But it turns out that Cotton is just making Hank the fall guy for yet another Castro-killing scheme.

The guys go to Austin for Bill's birthday. At the hotel, they decide to have some fun by mooning people through the glass elevator, and Hank accidentally moons the former governor of Texas, Ann Richards. Richards takes a liking to Bill, and they start dating. Bill's new relationship is threatened when his ex-wife, Lenore, shows up and seems to be interested in him again. Meanwhile, Peggy and Bobby discover that they like charcoal-grilled burgers better than burgers cooked with propane, and they try to hide their charcoal addiction from Hank. When Hank finds a lone briquette under their stove, he demands some answers, and a choice.

A showbiz veteran gives Bobby his ventriloquist's dummy, Chip Block. Bobby starts doing routines about Chip's love of sports, and Hank seems to like Chip's personality better than Bobby's. Meanwhile, Dale, who was scared at a young age by a doll based on Chip, schemes to destroy the dummy.

Hank's new co-worker is Tammi, a not-too-bright young woman who just moved from Oklahoma. Peggy takes Tammi under her wing and offers to let her stay at the Hill house while she studies to get her GED. Peggy and Hank enjoy Tammi's company and the cool clothes she buys for them, though they're concerned that her dates never seem to last more than an hour. But when Alabaster Jones, the baddest pimp in Oklahoma City, comes to bring Tammi back, Hank finally realizes that Tammi is a hooker and that everybody thinks he's her new pimp.

A doctor tells Dale that inhaling dangerous chemicals is affecting his health, and if he doesn't give up exterminating, he'll die. Hank gets Dale a new job as a faceless drone at the adhesives company, Stik Tek. But Dale's experience at killing living things proves invaluable when he is placed in charge of telling people they're fired. Meanwhile, Joseph and Dale are preparing for a "hatch".

With Hank's encouragement, Luanne signs up for a "born-again virgin" program at the church. This leads Peggy to confess something that Hank doesn't know: she had already slept with one other man before she married Hank. Luanne meets a 22 year-old "real virgin," Rhett Vandergraaf, who wants to sleep with Luanne so much that he asks her to marry him, and she accepts. When Peggy objects, Luanne blurts out her secret in front of Hank.

When Bobby's runny nose and constant sneezing turn out to be an allergy to dander, he is given some medication, and Hank is told to get rid of Ladybird. Hank is taken aback, trying to find any way around it...so he builds a luxurious new doghouse. During the 'Grand Opening' of the house, Ladybird refuses to go in. Hank rethinks his options, and sends Bobby out to live in the house. When he finds that he enjoys living on his own, he finds ways to stay allergic.

Bobby takes up a new interest in environmental issues, provoked by a new teacher. When the cause rallies to drain the quarry, and rid it of all waste, Hank is dead set against it. Years earlier, while in high school, the gang wrecked Boomhauers car, and pushed it into the quarry, pleading ignorance. Bobby finds out, and lets Boomhauer in on the secret, just before they pull out 'Ol Betsy', to his horror.

On Nancy's 40th birthday, the TV station replaces her as the weather girl, with a younger, sexier, ditzier....Luanne. Crushed, and defeated, she cries day and night, looking for a remedy to regain her looks. After she stops crying, she demands a face-lift from Dale. Dale comes up with a scheme to sue the Manitoba Cigarette Company, claiming that the second hand smoke from all of the cigarettes he smoked aged Nancy prematurely. He sues for a low amount, so that they will just pay it, and Dale can pay for the face-lift. Dale starts sweating, when Manitoba chooses to fight the case, and make an example out of Dale for useless lawsuits.

While preparing for the big lawn mower races in Durndle, Hank experiences back trouble. When he goes to the doctor, he is told that he has a genetic disorder called Diminished Gluteal Syndrome (DGS), meaning that he has such a small rear end that it puts added stress on his spine. The doctor gives Hank a prosthetic butt to wear, but the shame of it is too much until Peggy gets him to go to a DGS support meeting.

Bobby passes himself off as a high school student (explaining his height by claiming that he suffers from a kidney condition), and gets caught up in the school's attempt to get the band No Doubt to play at their prom. Meanwhile, Dale creates the perfect outhouse, the Port-a-Gribble the envy of all the neighbors.